Assertiveness is One of the Fifteen Facets of Executive Presence

This article is one in a series focusing on Executive Presence and how leaders can meet their potential through improved communication. Executive Presence is defined by Suzanne Bates in her book “All the Leader You Can Be: The Science of Achieving Extraordinary Executive Presence” as “The qualities of a leader that engage, inspire, align, and move people to act… By understanding how your intentions as a leader match up with perceptions, you can learn how to flex your style to gain trust, build alignment, lead change, inspire performance, and drive executional excellence.”

This article focuses on Assertiveness, one of the 15 facets that make up a 3-dimensional leader.

Click here to gain a greater understanding of (a) executive presence in general and (b) the other facets that make up a well-rounded leader.

What is Assertiveness?

Bates says someone who has a strength in Assertiveness, one of the fifteen facets of executive presence, is good at “speaking up, valuing constructive conflict, and raising issues directly without shutting others down. Assertiveness is being vocal, forthright, and unafraid of productive disagreement. Assertive people tend to take the lead.

How Your Assertiveness Makes People Feel

People with a strength in Assertiveness earn the trust of the people they work with. They are level-headed, open to other perspectives, and able to clearly state their own.

The feelings generated by Assertiveness:

• You are unafraid of conflict and work to resolve it.
• I know where you stand.
• I believe you are fair.
• I feel you are a no-nonsense leader.

Not Enough Assertiveness

Someone who lacks Assertiveness may appear indecisive, lack opinions, not be fully in control during meetings, or they may avoid conflict. As a result,

• They may fail to communicate their perspective clearly.
• They may let others take over a meeting in a way that is unproductive or wastes time.
• They may allow difficult issues to simmer beneath the surface.

Specific Behaviors to Improve Perceptions of Your Assertiveness

Here are some things you can do to improve your Assertiveness.

• Speak your mind without being harsh or shutting down discussions.
• Keep the meeting process orderly.
• Advocate for your decisions with evidence and analysis.
• Know when conflict is productive and work through it.
• Know when conflict is not productive and intervene quickly.
• Be able to name the elephant in the room.
• Shorten sentences and avoid qualifiers in written communication.

Too Much Emphasis on Your Assertiveness

When someone exhibits too much of a particular facet, it can become an overstrength. An overstrength often results in negative perceptions. Here are some downsides of an overstrength in Assertiveness.

• You may shut people down.
• You may fall into a “my way or the highway” point of view.
• You may alienate others by being too forceful.
• You may appear impatient.

A Story About Not Enough Assertiveness

As part of a leadership development program, Julia was reviewing the results of her 360 assessment. As she was reading the written comments, she noticed a theme. Her manager and direct reports wish she were more assertive, so they can better understand her opinions and expectations.

Feedback that stuck out included:

• “We’d all benefit from Julia being more assertive.”
• “I wish she’d speak up more in meetings.”
• “I love working with Julia, and I hate to see other people run her over. I wish she’d advocate for herself and her team.”

“What am I supposed to do with this feedback?” she asked her executive coach the following day. “Over the years, I’ve learned that assertive women are considered off-putting, so I tend to sit back and let others talk. I may have an opinion, but I don’t want to be seen as aggressive, so I don’t generally voice my thoughts in public anymore. This probably sounds cynical, but I’ve been around for a long time, and I have plenty of scars to show for simply speaking my mind.

Pat, her executive coach, said, “I get it. As a woman in the workplace, it’s easy for people to assume the worst when strong women speak their minds. I think there’s a general misunderstanding of what assertiveness is. Assertiveness is about being direct and clear. It’s not about being aggressive or argumentative. Too often, assertiveness and aggressiveness are confused. They are not the same.”

“As for the gender issue, which is layered in here…” she paused before continuing, “that’s more of a cultural thing within the organization. We have to get better in this area.”

Pat continued, “Since it’s clear people want to hear from you, do you think you can speak up more in meetings and share your point of view?”

“Yes, I can try,” Julia said, “but I won’t speak just to be heard. When people chime in and say the same thing someone else has said, it drives me nuts.”

Pat responded, “That’s fine. Start small. Rather than repeating someone else, try something like “I’m in full agreement.” Or “Between the two options on the table, I prefer the second, for the same reasons others have said.”

“If you have a differing opinion, try ‘I can see all points of view, but I think the best path forward is to (fill in the blank) and here’s why…’

“None of these examples is aggressive, but they will let people know where you stand. The thing that’s interesting to me is that you do have opinions, and people crave hearing from you; you just need to give yourself permission to voice them without worry of a negative reaction.

“If others accuse you of being aggressive, that’s on them, and you can deal with it on a case-by-case basis.”

Over time, Julia rediscovered her voice. Permission to be clear and decisive was exactly what she needed, and it made all the difference with her team.

Some Facets Ride Together

Often, when we lean into particular facets (or pull back from them), other facets “come along for the ride.” By leaning into her Assertiveness without being aggressive, perceptions of other facets can also improve. They include: Authenticity, Integrity, Practical Wisdom, Confidence, Vision, and Interactivity.

Leaning into Assertiveness and speaking your mind can also show improvement in overstrengths such as Restraint and Composure. When people have overstrengths in these two areas, others can feel unsure of where they stand. Sharing your honest thoughts can help.

Final Thoughts About Assertiveness

Assertiveness is in the Style dimension in the Bates model, which means “it’s about the first impression people make—based on image, mannerisms, and interpersonal behavior.” Because the Style facets are all about the impression we make with our behaviors, we need to be self-aware and intentional about how we show up for others in both business and social situations.

If you’d like to learn more or explore executive presence coaching options for yourself or your team, click here to schedule a call.